Re-Sanity Tour

Sanity has been somewhat restored. However, on return to home though a flood of emotions have come back. Seeing Paigee's artwork all over the house is a reminder of our loss. Being out of the house these past number of days was beneficial to recovering and finding my rudder in this new journey, but now I need to find a coping mechanism for being back in the house. How much easier it would be to just be a fact collector. I am very lucky to have found a couple of parents from Rhabdo-Kids that have given me tremendous support during this time.

My heart is broken again over the loss of Michael. Yet another victim of Rhabdo, his journey paralled Paigee's during those 32 months. Diagnosed one month after Paigee, Michael passed 14 days after Paigee. I have this image of these kids meeting in the next life talking about their ordeals with Cancer, how grateful they are to no longer have pain and discomfort.

A very spiritual thing happened on our trip. Last Sunday night while driving to Canyon De Chelly we were treated to the most amazing shooting star. It fell just ahead of the car at most 200 hundred feet away. Not faint, but very bright for being so close to the ground. Rosie and I looked at one another and knew that Paigee was letting us know she was nearby watching over us. Just now I was reading emails that had accumulated before Paigee's death and read Riley Rooh's Mother's email describing a very similar event. Halloween night; not long after Paigee passed, Suzie was also treated to an unusual shooting star. Riley was Paigee's first best friend from 0 to 4. A very recent picture of Riley in a School Bus still sits on the bedside table next to Paigee's bed. I can hear her now, "hey Riley, it's me Paigee, I'm up here..."

Coming back home I can see is going to be a a new journey learning how to deal with the pain and grief experienced after the loss of a child.

"Paigee, I never loved anything as much as I loved you pumpkin."