March 2004 DullesChristmas Catalogs
Now that Paigee is gone there are just so many times I'm reminded how much I miss her and how much I still love her. One of her cute little practices was searching Catalogs. She would gather up all the kid Catalogs, indexing all her favorite things with countless yellow stickies. Being that it is Christmas we are inundated with Catalogs; especially children's. There isn't a day goes by that I don't shed tears over that girl.
Rosie and I both now ask ourselves; "did she really exist." I'm hoping this is a temporary healing step and that soon all the wonderful things that made her so special are always in our minds. Such a cruel thing, losing a child. Christmas will forever be an unhappy time of the year.
Lerd's Christmas Party invite is difficult. Having to be around a normal family with normal happy children is unfair. Will life ever seem fair again I wonder. I'm not certain it was ever fair, with a child in your life all of life's worries and problems seem to fade and dim compared to the overwhelming joy and love you receive from that child. Maybe multiple children is the answer, but then I'm sure there are many that have lost a child would disagree.
posted by c @ 1:54 PM
3 Comments:
Sending prayers for the both of you during this difficult time of year.
Qadira
I swear! We are so much alike. Sometimes I think you and Rosemary mirror TJ and I.
Christmas sucks now. The only thing is I have a 15 year old wonderful girl who we cannot dissapoint. So TJ, the good dad that he is, has put up the tree and the lights and even bought a lawn ornament (which we hate) just for her.
I can't believe that I am almost done being a mom (you know what I mean). She will be 18 soon and then, well, I don't know. She is so independent now that when Chad died, I felt like I wasn't a mom anymore. Isn't that terrible? I would never tell Sami that. It would crush her. I still love her, but she doesn't need me.
I want a child so bad and TJ will not even discuss. He doesn't want to risk or put any child what Chad went through. Too scared.
I'm having a hard time with that. His passions beside our kids, are motorcycles and his fishing.
My only passion has ever been my children and being a mom. With no longer needing to be a mommy, I feel there is no future. boo hoo
I can't believe I am rambling so.
Please email me. Lost your personal email address.
Chris Falsetti called me, I am going to call her tonight...
Thinking of you.
Lori Whitmore
Chad used to love to play in the "kitchen" at his school. He would put on any dress up clothes available and start cookin'!
I have a picture of him in a purple tutu, a red kimono and an african hat making eggs for all the baby dolls. That is just how I like to remember him. Such a funny cheesy boy.
We bought a wooden play kitchen with all the "fixins" for his school and will donate it next week. TJ doesn't want to go. He sure is wimpy lately. I try to understand :)
But, yeah, I understand, even the littlest things remind you of your baby and how much this world sucks! Hang in there. Hate that term, but you know.
Lori Whitmore
Post a Comment
<< Home